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[粵譯擂臺] 譯文佳作賞析:翁帆寫畀楊振寧嘅情書

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發表於 2006-11-16 05:01:16 | 顯示全部樓層 |閱讀模式

Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have withered. Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your eyes, whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge out.
  此處冷,彼處更冷。枯葉凋零,君屬何人。君面慘淡憂鬱,含淚而笑。君熱淚盈眶,喃喃自語,難言再見。妾心沉落,淚涌似濤。

Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world of band. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme.
  酷夏。仍憶雞尾酒會。君執妾手,共用二人世界。君坐妾之側,長髮束於腦後,英姿勃發。笑容盪漾。妾訝君面尤類雜誌封面。旋轉,君執妾手,瘋狂舞曲。

Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance, laughing covered by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking. You stood there, eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, brighter than the light. A masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were together.
  燈酒相輝,芳雅相應,祝辭笑聲此起彼伏,蕓蕓皆勞碌於握手。君站立一旁,美目探妾。妾瑩燈下顫顫而立。此必上帝之傑作,使暈眩。雖妾與君相隔甚遠,然心相近。

Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at th e Alps side. We would ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I shouldn''t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I feel all the same.
  往日已去。君云君將於阿爾卑斯山畔待妾,滑雪於雪花飛舞之天空下。妾欲說還休,但囑祝福。飛機漸逝,妾心將苦。妾深知妾之愚蠹,君已竊妾心,妾當不可漠然於暗中徬徨。妾嘗試忘君之失,然無可善終。妾信某日某時,妾將告君妾心永駐。

My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride, yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land -- snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of Christmas bell.
  妾於懺悔中掙扎,不時退縮,猶豫。妾愚於處子之婚,然潛縱於君之諾。白雪皚皚,君挽妾身,妾意甚歡,共聽聖誕鐘聲。

The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.
  鐘聲忽止於急雨,乃聽撒旦之笑聲。含淚微笑,黑暗相伴。妾欲尋君之發擦君之淚而不可。妾伸手欲觸,無他,但枯葉一雨滴耳。

Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.
  雪花漸融,妾與君天涯各一方。

[此帖子已經被作者於2007-6-14 22:37:10編輯過]
發表於 2006-11-16 05:37:07 | 顯示全部樓層
楊太寫嘅究竟係英文定中文部分?抑或兩樣都係佢寫嘅?
發表於 2006-11-17 02:21:21 | 顯示全部樓層
好鬼肉麻喎,楊生咁老重咁好雅興睇呢啲嘢。
 樓主| 發表於 2006-11-22 20:01:08 | 顯示全部樓層
  相信英文部分係楊太手筆,譯文部分估計係網友嘅傑作。
發表於 2007-5-27 00:33:06 | 顯示全部樓層
[em34]
發表於 2007-6-15 05:41:28 | 顯示全部樓層
[em17][em30][em46]
發表於 2007-7-5 17:46:23 | 顯示全部樓層

有好多好靚且好有用短語,可借鑑借鑑~~~

[em01]
發表於 2007-7-7 03:48:54 | 顯示全部樓層
試譯1、2、3及最後一句。

此冷彼更寒,君卻屬別處。
葉已凋,汝臉慘帶憂、在淒笑。
眼內藏,說道別,心在沉,淚奪眶。

酷暑歡宴,郎攜妾手,共赴連理。
郎坐妾旁,束長髮,更勃發。
笑浮於醇醪,如夢如幻,郎牽妾手,忘情共舞。

燈酒相融雅亦芳,笑中問好,忙中作輯。
郎在遠看奴,妾心如鹿撞,夢幻中雖遠亦近。

飄雪化,天涯分。

You belong to neither指兩邊都唔係。點會譯成"君屬何人"?

Snowflakes have melted係"雪花已融化",唔係"雪花漸融化"。

英文寫得一般,好做作,有D牽強,唔算得上係佳作。

發表於 2007-8-15 07:09:22 | 顯示全部樓層
[em01]
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